Why Not?

Goodbye 'Nore

2010-06-12T20:55:00.001-07:00

My mom died on March 30th of this year. My relationship with her was so layered and complex that it would take a long time to cover all of it. There was a lot of good, some bad, and in recent years I spent so much time taking care of her and making the 120 mile trip down to see her every three or four weeks, that some of it was just sheer work. Most of her life she was a delight, though, and she tried not to make too much work for me.

She was funny--really, really funny. A silly sense of humor with just a touch of sarcasm to make it interesting. She was intelligent, well-read, loved flowers, sewing, visiting with her kids and grandkids. She was very creative and resourceful. Her life was not easy, but she was upbeat and hopeful most of the time.

My brothers, at first, were asking me what I'd do with all my free time now that I wasn't taking care of her. I thought, "Oh, no problem," and the first two months I was busy with inheritance stuff and forms and signatures and coping with other situations where I was needed. All of a sudden, now, two months later, I find I've actually been knocked off my pins by this. I try to talk about it but it's like I have no voice. I think I need to just journal about it for a while and not worry about other stuff. Transitions--they're never easy. But I was with her for the last week, and I was with her the day she died. I'm glad I was lucky enough to have that chance. It was hard, but at least I know she wasn't alone.

I think of her when I cook, when I look at my own child, when I talk to my brothers. She was the glue that held the family together. I was lucky to have known her. What a lady.

Paul Simon Says It All

2010-03-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

Well, Blogger is intent on me showing my picture first so I bow to superior strength. I know I'm a little late for February, but I've been having so much fun having my son home for my birthday that I didn't get it uploaded until now.

One of my favorite quotes is: Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
—Elizabeth Stone Once your child leaves home for school or to start their own lives is a profound life change. Every minute of every day I'm aware that, even though I'm still at home, my heart is wandering around out there. I wouldn't want it any other way--I'm proud of his independence, his courage and his determination to make his life amazing. (And he's doing a superb job of it.) But there my heart is, out there with him. It's a colorful house (perhaps more-so metaphorically) and there's always a cat in the window, but Evan's always there with us, in our hearts.

But, getting back to Paul Simon...all day I've been singing "Have a Good Time" in my head:

Yesterday it was my birthday / I hung one more year on the line. / I should be depressed, / My life's a mess / But I'm havin' a good time.

54's not so bad! I wouldn't go back to my 20's or earlier for all the money in the world. My 30's were nice, but really busy. My 40's were even busier. Now I'm busy, but it's a good busy. More elements of play. Less fretting over things being perfect. (As Anne Lamott says, "I was 35 years old before I realized that a B+ was a good grade.") A much smoother life with less radical ups and downs. My mom is still declining but...each day is pretty darned good. It's a happy little house, getting more colorful all the time.

Bead Journal Project Year 3

2010-01-18T14:16:00.000-08:00

I was part of the Bead Journal Project in 2008, but skipped 2009 because I knew I'd be busy with my son's graduation. This year I signed up again in order to get myself into the sewing room to get something creative done. I know this sounds selfish, but I've decided that this is my year. I give my time and energy to lots of people, but this is my year to do things for myself--lose weight, nurture my creativity and just quiet the chaos for a little while each day.

Do you have the experience of going faster, doing more, giving 150% and yet...it just gets more and more frantic? This year I want to give birth to myself, figuratively speaking. Hence the egg. A fresh start. Growth. Nurturing. You'll see an owl and a heart inside the egg--a hope for wisdom and love. Not just love for everybody else in my sphere--but for myself, as well. If I don't take care of myself I run out of energy for everybody else, too. This is my year. Yay, me.

2010-01-03T09:13:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful novel to start the new year! Major Pettigrew is one of those characters that I'd love to invite over to dinner. Simonson has written a character so full of flaws, virtues and inner conflict that you can't help but love him. The novel revolves around a conflict between following your heart and accepting new ways of looking at things, and wanting to retain the courtesy and civility of the past. Change is never an easy thing, and Major Pettigrew does a lot of self-examination in order to grow and change, while still retaining the true courtesy and refinement that makes him a man that everyone can count on in a crisis.

Major Pettigrew's relationship with Mrs. Ali, a woman from a Pakistani family and a shop keeper in the village, gives us a good view into the elements of change in a society. It's never easy, it's fraught with conflict from the people who don't want to think or change their attitudes, and it has it's rewards once you give up your resistance to change. Mrs. Ali and Major Pettigrew have a relationship that transcends ethnic differences and traditions. They have a delightful, energetic relationship, full of intelligence, love of words and books, and they are both very witty. I loved the conversations between the two. I identified with the Major's insistence on manners and courtesy.

This is one of my favorite books from the last few years. Not classic literature at all, no, but it's skillfully written, a great plot and wonderful characters that I'd like to know personally.

I read an advanced reviewer copy--the book will be released in the US in March.

Working...working...

2009-12-06T11:20:00.001-08:00

Just some of the new batch...

Profound gratitude

2009-11-29T15:54:00.000-08:00

I've been privileged to know and love a lot of dogs and cats in my life. As with people in your life, you're closer to some than others, but I've always felt that dogs and cats have as much individual personality as any of the humans I've known. And then there are the extraordinary ones--the ones that you can't even use the word "pet" with. They're friends. And in Levi's case, a friend of the heart and soul. When I was happy, he was joyful. When I was unhappy or upset, he was inconsolable. (And would go to get other family members to come and "fix" whatever was wrong with me.) He would give me a kiss every night before we went to sleep. Sometimes four or five kisses. When I came back from six weeks of taking care of my dying father, he kissed me over ten times--lying down and then coming back for another and another. I'd missed him, too. He developed liver and pancreatic cancer this summer and we had to put him down on August 1st. Nobody has been more loving or loved, no matter what their species, though, and we all still miss him and talk to him all the time.

I've been working on Christmas presents, so didn't have time to make a postcard that was as good as Levi deserved, but I wanted to make sure that my gratitude for his life and his love was documented during this holiday. I'm thankful for so many things, but this year, Levi was at the top of my list.

Thank you, Levi. It was an honor to know you.

Woman-Heaven 2009

2009-10-19T19:40:00.001-07:00

My friends, Susan and Linda, and I have had a tradition (for the past four or five years) of going to the quilt show in Spokane in October and then going somewhere for a short quilting retreat to sew and talk and laugh and eat. This year was the best one yet--so good that we've started calling it "Woman-Heaven". This year, as we did last year, we went to a vacation rental house on Newman Lake, northwest of Spokane. We did a lot of sewing, an incredible amount of laughing and we're all still recovering from the fabulous food.

The first thing I did this year was a postcard for a monthly postcard challenge on Vicki Welsh's fabulous website . The theme was "If I woke tomorrow with absolutely no obligations I would _______________". For me the obvious answer is reading. I can give up almost anything except reading.

If you can't read the quote, it's, "People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading."--Logan Persall Smith.

And here is what the lake looked like outside our window. There was mist or fog every morning when we woke up, but this just made it more beautiful.

Proof that we were doing what we set out to do. We need a bigger table.

And, oh my gosh, how can you beat mini-eclairs. We were all hooked. But we "balanced" it with grapes and guacamole. Yeah--"balance", that's it.

You can see how hard Linda's been working by the threads on her legs.

The weekend gets better (and, well...longer) every year. I couldn't have two better friends.

How Barb Got Her Groove Back

2009-08-10T23:31:00.000-07:00

We had to put our wonderful puppy, Levi, down right after we got back from vacation. More than a pet, Levi was a member of the family and losing him really knocked me for a loop. On Sunday afternoon I realized that I needed to do something to start moving again. There's nothing that gets me kick-started like making something pretty. I don't know what I'll use these fabrics for, but they make me happy.

I'm back!

2009-07-08T19:26:00.001-07:00

Energy

2008-12-30T13:36:00.000-08:00

This is what I'm finding out this week--if you don't have to go to work, you have time and energy for playing. I'm not heading for any "goals" this week, I'm letting myself play. (And read. Read and play.)

A new padfolio and lots and lots of snow

2008-12-29T14:43:00.000-08:00

Hancocks had the most unusual batik on sale before Christmas, and the second I saw it, I knew it had to be a padfolio for my co-worker, Cindy. She and her husband raise longhorns and she's a fan of a football team in Texas that are called the Horns, I guess, so it just seemed destined to be. Joann's had the most perfect little horn button, too, and I used a leather cord to hold it closed.

It turned out really well, I think. (Ok, some of the cows are upside down, but we don't really need to see that.

The other thing going on for the past couple of weeks is the phenomenal amount of snow we've had. By Sunday morning the snow was up to my hip--3 feet of heavy, wet snow. We had 10" in one night. It's melting now, but more keeps showing up in the forecast. It's dramatic, if nothing else.

More Christmas cards

2008-12-18T12:37:00.000-08:00

I finished the rest of the Christmas postcards I'm sending out this winter. Next year I'm hoping to start earlier and get more done. The one on the left is for my mom. They were more simple than I wanted them to be, but I just keep running out of time. (But I'm not going to bemoan my job because I'm feeling more and more lucky that I have one.)

I think that with the week off I have after Christmas I'm going to get started on next year's batch while I'm still in the spirit. I just bought a batch of Transfer Artist Paper and I'm eager to put some different images on next year's batch.

I find myself wondering what things will be like next year. My mother is declining much more quickly now than she had been, and my sister-in-law is still fighting stage 4 lung cancer. So much can change in 12 months. I find myself wanting to appreciate people while they're with me, more than before.
We had a spectacular sunset last week that I just had to share. It's really inspiring, somehow, to see this on a cold winter's evening. It's like the sun sending a "Don't worry--I'm still here!" message.

It all went by so fast...

2008-10-31T17:08:00.001-07:00

One moment they're babies and the next they're ready to go out on their own. (And what a nice person he's grown up to be!)

The Annual Quilting Weekend

2008-10-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was our annual quilting weekend. It starts with a trip to the quilt show in Spokane and then a weekend of quilting and laughing. This year we didn't take pictures, but we had a wonderful time. All three of us were working on Christmas presents of one sort or another. I decided that since I send so few Christmas presents anymore, I might as well send fabric postcards instead, so people I still send to have something homemade. My free motion quilting could use some work, but I loved the way the Christmas trees turned out.

There's something about free motion quilting that I seem to have to practice each time before I use it. I'm usually really "tight" until I've done it on three or four pieces and then I loosen up a bit.

Anyway, it was a fun weekend and we had several episodes of laughing until we couldn't talk, and tears came from our eyes. That's the mark of a great weekend.

For Kathleen

2008-10-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

I got a chance to see my brother and his family this weekend. I've mentioned, before, that my sister-in-law, Kathleen, has stage 4 lung cancer, so I made her a quilt and wanted to get it to her. As I told her, I couldn't give her a hug every day, but I could make her the softest, warmest thing to wrap around her that I could. I made a rag quilt out of flannel and while it's not the most beautiful thing I've ever made, it has as much love in it as the quilt I made for their wedding years ago.

She took a turn for the worse after we left this weekend and is in the hospital after surgeons cut a second opening in the sac around her heart to allow fluid to drain. I'm just heartbroken for her, for her two 12 year old sons and for my brother. (Who's a big, brave guy on the outside and a marshmallow on the inside.)

As my brother told me this weekend, "Live every day as if it were your last." She had no symptoms in June, was at stage 3 in July, and stage 4 by August. Tell people you love them. Do what brings you joy. Look at the colors around you. Tell children that they're wonderful. Laugh. Don't waste a single moment.

A Great Read

2008-10-06T17:09:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't be so contrary. I really shouldn't. I have missed the pleasure of this wonderful book for the past ten years.

The subtitle on the edition I read said, "The enchanting novel of love, loss and the power of possibilities." It is about all of those and it is enchanting. It was a very popular book when it came out ten years ago--so popular that I resisted reading it just because everybody else was. What a marvelous book.

Sabine, a former magician's assistant for Parsifal, is left after his death picking up the pieces and putting together the details of a life before he was a magician that he never told her about. He was gay, but they shared their lives for more than 20 years, finally marrying after his lover died. Parsifal died a short time later, and Sabine inherited his family, along with his worldly possessions.

It's uplifting, funny, touching. Definitely worth a read. Ann Patchett is a gifted storyteller.

Economics and Annoying Smart Guys

2008-09-28T09:23:00.001-07:00

This is pretty much my take on the economy...

And yet another

2008-09-15T19:27:00.001-07:00

I guess it's been the fact that I've had ideas for postcards, but I've sort of been rev'ing up the past couple of weeks. I don't like everything I've been making but I'm liking enough to keep working at it. In this case, the fabric made me think of the bright sunsets we had when I was growing up. I grew up in a semi-desert area in Washington state and the dust in the air made for some beautiful sunsets. My mother would always repeat the little rhyme, "Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky at morning, sailor's take warning." I guess I'd rather delight the sailors because this is definitely a sunset.

(Oh, and it really is straight--only my photography is crooked.)

The Pondering Pool

2008-09-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share something I truly love--cards and posters from The Pondering Pool. Since all of her cards and posters speak to me, I have to use some self-restraint not to buy them all. The artistry is whimsical and beautiful, and they say so much about women's (alright--people's) inner lives. She articulates so well a person's fears, struggles, hopes and dreams. My favorite is this card, which speaks to my on-going struggle with codependency and my seeming need to help everyone in the world. I also have "Sanity", "Laughed to Death" and "Hysteria" as posters on my walls at work. I've given the "Present yourself as a gift" card to more people than I can count.

Love your work, Susan. Thank you for sharing it with us.

The attention span of a postcard

2008-09-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

I still don't have enough time or energy to do much work at home, but when you're listening to Regina Spektor, you need color.

Make something or go berserk

2008-08-25T20:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you start with the first thing you see. (In this case, a piano keyboard.) I used black silk for the black keys but it doesn't translate as well in the picture. Looks pretty cool in person, though.

It's not the easiest time in my life--WSU is in session now (which means that my job is back to very demanding), my mom is in a steady decline and my sister-in-law has stage three lung cancer. (And she was never a smoker.) I love my sister-in-law and that diagnosis knocked me for a loop. She's a fighter, though, so I've decided she's going to make it.

In the meantime, I don't seem to be "verbal". I have almost no conversation except for my two closest friends. So, when you don't have anything to say, you show people what's in your world, I suppose. There's a piano keyboard in mine.

Astrid and Veronika

2008-07-29T15:46:00.000-07:00

This last week I read a book that I know will never leave me. "Astrid and Veronika" is not a fast-paced page turner. Instead, it's a gem of a book, meant to be savored. The story is about two unlikely friends--one old and one young--and how they help to heal each other's guilt and sorrow with supreme patience and understanding. I didn't want the book to end, but even the ending was superb. This is one of my top ten favorite books of the last 30 years. Definitely. It's beautiful.

My first attempt

2008-07-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to a wonderful "virtual" publication called "Fibre and Stitch" magazine. (http://www.fibreandstitch.com/) As part of the subscription you get to be part of a listserv of wonderfully creative and artistic people. I don't actually feel worthy to be among them, but I view this list as my preparation for "the afterlife"--my life after I retire. (My son will be through college, I'll retire and I'll magically become more creative. Yeah, that's it...)

It happened to be my friend, Susan's, birthday last week, and though I was going through one of the hardest days of my adult life and didn't wish her a happy birthday until nearly bed time, she was very kind and gracious about my senior moment. I've been working on this present for her for the past few weeks, but I'm satin-stitchily challenged and was fighting with it for quite a while. All it took was one post to these generous and helpful list members and I had enough suggestions to be able to pull it off. (Well, pretty much. It's not all that pretty when examined closely but we just won't go there, alright?) It was fun to make, mostly because of the terrific directions (which are among the free projects on their website).

Anyway, Susan's a gardener so she needed a padfolio to make her seed lists in the spring (and her grocery lists the rest of the year) and this was a fun thing to make for someone who's been so good to me for over 20 years now.

Happy (belated) birthday, Susan. Thanks for being my friend, my sense of reason when I'm being a headless chicken, the second-mother to my child, a wonderful person to share this middle-aged no-man's-land with, and one of the best people I know.

And thank you to the generous people on the listserv who helped me finish the project.

2008-06-22T09:37:00.001-07:00

And you can't have Evan, either.

The Bad Week Antidote

2008-06-12T20:17:00.001-07:00

After the worst week I've had in the library in years (let's hear it for men with bad tempers, shall we?) I decided that making a fabric postcard for my mother would be a nice way to come back to "reality". I made one for my aunt, too. I come from a family of very, very funny, and very spiffy women. They taught me all I know about being a "red hot mama."

Me and my meme

2008-06-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

I don't usually do memes, but I saw a fun one, both on Diane's blog and on The Boastful Baker, so I thought I'd give it a try. Here's how the mosaic came out:

Here are the questions:

1. What is your first name? Barb (My name is actually Barbara Ann, but we won't go there, will we?)

2. What is your favorite food? Chicken dijon. (Mmmmm.)

3. What high school did you go to? Kiona-Benton High School. (There aren't any pictures of it on Flickr, so you'll have to settle for what my town looked like.)

4. What is your favorite color? Lapis

5. Who is your celebrity crush? Colin Firth. (Yum.)

6. Favorite drink? Pepsi. (I know, I'm just a kid, still.)

7. Dream vacation? Italy. A villa, specifically.

8. Favorite dessert? Creme Brulee

9. What you want to be when you grow up? Transcendent. I have a lot of growing up to do.

10. What do you love most in life? Laughter

11. One Word to describe you. Irreverent.

12. Favorite Music? All kinds, but who can beat John Denver?

Turning over a new leaf in May

2008-05-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

And the final one, the only one that was on time.

I'm sad that I won't be in the next Bead Journal Project--too much is going on in my life right now, and I really wasn't able to give it the time I wanted to. But I learned so much from it, and I'll always be glad I participated. I definitely learned a lot about self-discipline and what you can do when you push.

I am determined to turn over a new leaf as this page symbolizes. I am a caretaker. I worry more about other people and their needs than I do about myself. That has to stop. I need to show as much caring for myself as I do for other people. I've always been worried that that's selfish, but I'm realizing that it's just reasonable. I worry constantly about letting other people down, about not giving them what they need. The last few months have shown me that I need to give myself what I need, too. What I need is time, quiet, space...whether other people understand it or not.

I've been mother to my own mother, mother to people at work, mother to friends. I comfort, reassure, anticipate needs. I do the same for my own son, who's the person who should actually be getting those things. And I also need to mother myself enough to bring myself back to health--physically, emotionally, psychologically.

April BJP

2008-05-06T20:09:00.000-07:00

Ah, one of the most emotionally honest and on-point journal pages. Who hasn't fantasized about just flying away? In one of my favorite books, "Time Off From Good Behavior", Susan Sussman says, "Show me a woman who hasn't fantasized getting in the car and leaving home and I'll show you a woman who doesn't know how to drive." It isn't always leaving home--sometimes it's leaving a job, leaving your life. Sometimes the Maine woods sound really good to me. But it's just a desire for escape, isn't it? A desire to have the *ability* to run away from your life, even if you wouldn't do it. To know that I *can* if I want. As my friend Linda likes to say when I'm stuck in a meeting and she's not, "I can go in; I can go out; I can go in; I can go out..." It's the choice that feels good.

April was a month where the urge to escape was at its greatest. But escape from what, exactly? Nothing I could put my finger on. Just...life.

The ribbon I dyed doesn't look as good on the picture as it did in real life. It was a combination of blues and greens that nearly made me swoon with pleasure. I love color.

Behinder with catchup

2008-05-05T12:51:00.001-07:00

Well, enough things have happened since the middle of February that I haven't had a chance to do much beading much less posting. I've had to make my pages more simple since I haven't been able to spend much time on the project. I've finished three more in the last several days, though, and am closing in on the last two.

So here, at my normal late pace, are January, February and March.

For January, I started with one of my favorite quotes from William Blake: "Improvement makes straight roads: but the crooked roads without improvement are roads of genius." That's what I feel about art, life, everything--it's the crooked paths I've taken that have meant the most to me. I had to laugh because this piece fought me the whole way through--nothing went as I wanted it to, but I was determined to keep it improvisational and let it be what it was. I have time to make pretty things, but even though this is my "ugly child", I love the fact that I let it be. Letting go of control isn't easy for me, but I'm reaching the point where I realize I have no other choice.

And for February, a love poem to myself:

I've spent way too much of my life seeking approval from others, and invested way too much of myself in finding just the right person or thing. I loved the words from Margaret Cho--you have to be the person you want. I'm working on it.

March was my birthday! A little challenging to celebrate, but all the better for it. Sometimes I think that you have the chance to reinvent yourself every day. I'm taking advantage of that more and more all the time. And I'm finding that my true friends are the ones who not only let me reinvent myself, but who celebrate it along with me. You'll notice from the piece that my arms are very, very long, and any figure I bead seems to get chubbier and chubbier with every row. I've decided to think of that as a "feature".

I'm almost done with April and I should be finished with May in the next couple of weeks. I admire the people who can bead a whole piece, but I guess I'll reach that point when I retire.

October, November, December: the project goes on

2008-02-22T20:51:00.000-08:00

As long as we pretend we're not almost done with February, I'm kind of catching up! (What's a few weeks between friends?)

October, my most colorful page to date, was a page about my wonderful son, Evan. He is a bass player extraordinaire, and music is his life. The beads surrounding the guitar represent all the energy that he exudes when he's in his groove. He has brought so much color and vibrancy into my life in the 16+ years he's been around. I'm looking forward to a lot more music from that kid. (As well as laughs.)

Ah, November. My aunt's funeral was in November. Etta was my "double" aunt. My mother and her sister married my dad and his brother. We had a family of "double cousins" which we were constantly having to explain to people. Etta, my aunt, was my mother's second set of eyes. She worked at the office in our school and anything I did at school beat me home by two hours. But she was a wonderful aunt and cared about us very much. Anyway, November was sort of a wet, sad month for me, and so I reminded myself of what was important--the serenity within me (thus the lotus outline) and the wisdom I carry with me (the owl bead in the center). It may be a time of dying leaves, but what I am is untouched.

Brrrrrrrrrrr. This has been a cold winter on the Palouse. We had snow on the ground for so long that I remarked to my doctor that if it weren't for trips to Walla Walla to take care of my mom, I'd forget what bare ground looks like. And now that it's melting again, the ground looks very bare. But snow is beautiful...at least at first, and I loved making snowflakes as the snow was coming down outside. I remembered that I had this "wintery" fabric in my scrap pile and it was just perfect.

Let's warm up now. I'm ready for spring.

If my feet can't be bare...

2008-02-22T17:27:00.000-08:00

You Are Flip Flops

You are laid back and very friendly.

Cheery and sunny in disposition, you usually have something to smile about.

Style is important to you, as long as you can stay casual.

It takes a lot to get you to dress up!

You are a loyal and true person, though you can be a bit of a flake.

You tend to "play hooky" and blow off responsibilities a lot more than most people.

You should live: By the beach

You should work: At a casual up and coming company

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

Snowday!

2008-02-01T13:18:00.000-08:00

I work at Washington State University, an institution that very rarely closes, no matter what's going on. They didn't even close the libraries when we were covered in ash from the Mt. St. Helens eruption. But evidently what it takes to close the place down are 2' of snow (virtually overnight) and high winds. We got the day off, and here's what it looks like.

In celebration of the day off (even though the grocery stores are running out of essentials like milk because all the roads are closed and nothing can get in) it was time to make snowflakes. They'll be incorporated into my January page for the bead journal project and they're very fun to make.

Sorry they're a little blurry--I need a tripod.

Don't say you're "behind" unless you check with me first

2008-01-15T09:29:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'll admit it, I'm a "behinder". I just finished September's page (pictured here) and am started on October's.

When you work for a university, your year begins in the fall and ends in the spring. (Summer is sort of it's own time.) As annoying as it can be to live and work in a "daycare for 19 year olds", I'll admit that I sort of miss them by the end of the summer. (Don't tell anyone that, though.) So, in honor of the start of my year, a piece reflecting a fresh start, renewal and growth. (With my hand-dyed fabric as background.)

It's not as if I'm not doing anything...

2007-12-19T17:19:00.001-08:00

I've been working on Christmas ornaments and Christmas presents. I made 10 ornaments (these are just three examples) and four beaded eyeglass holders. (You know, the kind that hang around your neck and hold your glasses.) I love making these and if I have a good book on mp3 to listen to, time just flies by. The red and black one is for the daughter of a friend of mine--she's into red and black and while it sounded sort of strange to begin with, it looks sort of Victorian. (And odd or not, I aim to please.)

Field of Diamonds In The Sky

2007-11-19T17:13:00.000-08:00

Finally. I have to roll my eyes, even at myself. This page was *supposed* to be easy to do (in my imagination, anyway) and it took forever. I'm getting faster at beading, but I'm still slow. The page looks pretty amateurish, but it turned out more or less looking like my vision.

During the month of August my mother was in the care center of her assisted living facility and was so unhappy that I went to visit her each week. Occasionally I came back into the Palouse (the area of Eastern Washington where I live) after dark and while I was driving through the wheat fields at night the Johnny Cash song, "Field of Diamonds In the Sky" kept going through my mind.

Field of diamonds in the sky, like the night you pass me by.
I could touch you if I tried, fields of diamonds in the sky.
Am I just a star in some crown?
Or someone's life sun going down, down, down?

To live in the Palouse (with wheat fields and rolling hills going for miles, whichever way you look) you have to appreciate the area for what it is. I find it beautiful and dramatic.

Quilting Weekend 2007

2007-10-28T20:22:00.000-07:00

Every year after the Spokane quilt show, my friends, Susan, Linda and I head from Spokane up to Hill's Resort on Priest Lake for a little weekend retreat. (Would you call it a retreat? Jammies, sweats, 4 star restaurant, reading, sleeping, beautiful lake, all the time to sew you could want--yup, that's a reatreat, alright.) I haven't laughed so much since we went last year. These two have a talent for transforming worrisome or annoying things into something we can laugh hysterically about. Two of the most fun people in the world. I can't say that Susan and I got a lot done, but Linda probably made twelve quilts in one weekend. (Ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but she got a lot done on the one quilt she was making.

(As you can see in the picture, we've got one Bernina person, one Husquavarna person and one Pfaff person.)

Linda cuts strips:

Susan and I were playing dueling cameras (but I'm faster on the button):

Yes, please

2007-09-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.

You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.

Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.

All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Just keep movin' on...

2007-09-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not tickled with July's bead journal page, but I've decided I'm doing a swell job for someone with a full time job, a mother recovering from a stroke, a teenager and assorted other "diversions". (Let's call them "diversions". It makes it sound so much nicer.)

What I've realized is that I'm experimenting with bead embroidery with the mind of a quilter. I was going to bead more of this piece of hand-dyed fabric and then realized that I'd be heartbroken if nobody could see the pretty fabric. The flash washed out a lot of the color--it's really dark green, blending into a dark lapis blue. It reminded me so much of my week at the lake.

I know what I'm going to be doing for the August piece and since my mom will hopefully going back to her room in assisted living pretty soon, I'll hopefully have two whole weekend days each week to work.

By the way, the title of this post is from a song by Eric Bibb, a blues/folk artist I've just discovered. He's definitely worth a listen

Doodling with thread

2007-08-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

Since I'm doing a 5 hour car trip every Saturday to visit my mother in Walla Walla, I don't have a whole lot of time to play. I've been working on catching up with the Bead Journal Project when I have five minutes here or there, but I couldn't resist making a postcard tonight. I bought the most beautiful thread in primary colors and just felt like doodling. No great art, but a great deal of fun.

Finished June, in the middle of July and starting August

2007-08-12T16:37:00.001-07:00

I realized, finally, if I read three books at a time, I might as well bead three pieces at once. I finished the beading for June last month, but didn't finish the page until last week. I'm not happy with it, but what I see when I look at it is the chaos that has been our lives the last couple of weeks. Still, I am proud of my emotions so they might as well be dressed up for company...

Empty nest syndrome

2007-07-29T20:07:00.001-07:00

Sorry it's a fuzzy image, but I was trying to keep out of the way of the adult quail while they were feeding. As you can see, while I was on vacation, the quail hatched and flew the proverbial coop! I haven't seen the babies yet, but my son saw them while I was in Walla Walla today and said that they were amazingly cute and they were being attended by three adults--one female and two male. Not sure why, but with that many kids, it's great to have a "manny", I'd imagine.

While I was on vacation my mother had a "mini-stroke", recovered mostly from that, but now she's in the care center of her retirement home. She's still pretty weak but I'm determined to start beading and sewing again this week. I'll go down and visit her one day next weekend, again, but I'm going to start making better use of my evenings. (It is hereby resolved.)

The lake was incredible. Beautiful, warm, calming as always. I'll post pictures of that and the amazing parasailing adventure when I have time to reduce the size of the pictures.

Not yet!

2007-07-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

Well, the quail is still sitting on her nest, so I'm hoping that the eggs will hatch this week while I'm gone. The dogs and the cat won't bother her, and the house sitter knows not to disturb her, so my ideal situation is that they hatch this weekend and she has a good week to get them going before we come back and mess up her life. (Albeit unintentionally.)

I haven't done anything on my bead journal project in the last two weeks. My 85 year old mother was hospitalized in Walla Walla (2.5 hours away) for three days last week, so I'm behind on everything. I'm hoping that things will settle down after vacation.

And I'm armed for the lake (Priest Lake in the northern part of Idaho) with a host of lovely books. One as yet unpublished book I'm reading as an early reviewer on LibraryThing (www.librarything.com), One Good Turn by Kate Atkinson, My Latest Grievance by Elinor Lipman, and Charms for the Easy Life by Kay Gibbons. I'm also going to take small bites of The Quantum Zoo because I've heard it's possible to understand *some* of quantum theory. (I'm sort of doubting it.)

And when I get back, I'm sure I'll be all rev'd again for sewing and beading. I am now, actually, but I need a little non-doing time. Have a good week!

The nest!

2007-07-09T08:12:00.000-07:00

Here it is--our beautiful quail's nest. The mom was out for a bite to eat, I think. She's a very dutiful mom, though, and stays still on that nest no matter what.

Quail nest!!

2007-07-08T11:31:00.000-07:00

I have a quail nest in my back yard! The mom hid her nest really well in a tangle of ivy right up close to the house. I didn't stop to count but it looks like she has close to a dozen eggs in there. Now the challenge is going to be to keep the cat and two dogs away from the eggs (which they haven't found so far, and she must've been there for a while) and the chicks once they're hatched. Our yard is fenced, so she won't be able to get them out until they can fly, but there are a lot of good hiding places under spruce trees and in my huge row of (ugly) junipers. She's right in an area I should be watering now that it's hot, but I'll give up any flowers to help her keep her babies safe. (I'm also going to tell my contractor not to put up the new gutters until they're all safe.)

If anybody has any experience with being a quail nursery or has tips for keeping the dogs (who use the backyard many times daily) away from them, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks!

BJP - Finishing June...slowly

2007-07-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

Still working on my June page for the Bead Journal Project. What I can see while I'm working on it is that I'm getting too uptight about the whole thing. I need to loosen up and not be trying for the most perfect thing in the world. Easier said than done. (Of course, I'm not achieving perfection by a long shot, either.)

It was a great day to dye!

2007-06-24T18:05:00.000-07:00

My friends, Susan and Linda, came over on Friday to dye fabric. This is something we do at least once a year and we all look forward to it for weeks. This year, we launched out and tried some different colors, but we had to keep some of the favorites in there. One of the things I just love is the mottled effect that you get when you use low immersion dyeing. A friend saw my dyed fabric one year and said she was so sorry that it had come out so badly because of the mottled look. I had to laugh because that's really my favorite thing--it adds interest to the colors and you get a lot of different looks. It's all play, really--put the fabric and dye in and see what comes out. It's like Christmas in June.

This one is coral pink--a new color for us this year, chosen by Susan. On parts of the fabric (not shown here) it's even more of a peach color. Gorgeous.

This one is Chinese Red. I think both Susan and I got this color. (We buy all our dyes from Dharma Trading.) It's very rich, very exciting, and outside my normal comfort zone. We realized during the day that we had all chosen some dyes that were a real shift for us.

Ooooo, and my favorite--lapis. I buy this dye every year. I've actually started using some of it in pieces, but it's hard for me to cut into something so beautiful. I figure that when I have 50 yards of it in my stash, I'll feel secure enough to actually start using it comfortably.

This last picture sort of shows you the variation in the shades you can get with just the difference of one tablespoon of dye solution.

We had so much fun, and it was so satisfying that we've resolved that we're going to have another dyeing day in September if we can. (Because too much fabric is never enough.)

Bead journal project (E is for Emotional)

2007-06-04T17:19:00.000-07:00

Last month I signed up for the Bead Journal Project--a group where each member will make a beaded journal page every month for a year. Luckily, the rules are flexible enough to allow people involved in textiles to make a fabric page and add beaded embellishment.

For the month of June, my page is going to be an embellished E--for Emotional. My current boss doesn't care for the fact that I express my emotions and nearly came undone when I cried in his presence one day, and once when I became upset at the prospect of asking people in our unit to do something that clearly violated state ethics laws. Now, the guys at work get angry and frustrated and argue and express it all, but it's evidently not ok for a woman to do the same thing. When I found out that he classified me as "emotional", I decided to take a lesson from Hester Prynne and look at it as something to highlight rather than hide. The letter is taken from a collection of Victorian alphabets and will be embellished with beads until it's obvious that it's meant to stand out and be noticed. Enough of apologizing for having emotions and trying to hide them in order to look like "one of the guys". There! Ha! So in the following weeks I'll be working on the embellishment.

Oooh-oh, I'm quirky alright...

2007-05-25T14:24:00.000-07:00

I found this on Denise's blog and curiousity got the best of me. It absolutely cracked me up, especially the picture. (I think his name is Scooter, don't you, Sue?)

Your Quirk Factor: 70%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.

No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?

And sometimes you just have to make bowls...

2007-05-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

I've done the Timtex bowls, but I like the ones made from canvas better. They have a much nicer feel. The question is, though, why do I feel compelled to give them away after I've made them. I've made many and never kept one.

When I got home today, I saw that my tree peony had decided to bloom. There must be 20-30 blossoms on it. It's a nice thing to come home to.

What in the world was I thinking??

2007-05-09T15:30:00.000-07:00

I think I made this Lover's Knot quilt in the mid-80's. Maybe late 80's. (Maybe someone recognizes the tulip fabric on the black background. It was really popular at...some time.) I look at this now and marvel at what a hideous thing I produced. Maybe color tastes have seasons but this is just tooooo ugly. Off to Goodwill with this one.

Mother's Day Countdown Image Files

2007-05-07T06:48:00.000-07:00

For those of you who aren't familiar with Lisa Vollrath (a very talented multi-media artist), her websites are definitely worth a look for inspiration. She currently has a countdown to mother's day, offering free printable images. Cool stuff, Maynard:

http://countdown.tentwostudios.com/

2007-04-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

The "tucks" quilt made it through the Mother's Weekend quilt show here at WSU, and came home to my cube. The close up is pretty, but I like the view from a distance.

The other exciting thing today was that Nellie, Scott's new baby (and the newest addition to the WSU Library's Systems unit) came to visit. The rest of us wanted to hold the baby, but Drew pretty much hogged all the baby holding time. (Just kidding, Drew. :) )

(Doesn't it look like Drew's saying, "I don't know nuthin' 'bout holdin' babies!") Nellie is *so* cute, and so alert.

Quilt progress and Evan's arms

2007-04-08T09:13:00.000-07:00

It's almost finished--just the binding left to do. (And those are my baby's arms. Nevermind that my baby is 6 feet tall.)

Barb vs the Pullman Post Office: A Cautionary Tale

2007-04-07T17:05:00.001-07:00

While I don't intend to make a career of it, I enjoy making fabric postcards and sending them to friends I can count on to ooooh and aaaah over them. I made a lovely Easter one (see preceding blog entry) for my mother who lives in a retirement home about two and a half hours away. I took it into the Pullman branch of the US Post Office in a carefree manner, having sent over thirty of them before this one. Each time I have to explain that yes, they're legal and yes, I've done it before...only I've never sent one with Evil Otis (name changed to protect someone from something). Evil Otis looked at the card with his customary arrogant sneer (his postal duties tend to depend on what he feels like doing that day) and said, "You can't mail this. It's not paper. It's not a post card." I explain that it meets the USPS regulations and is mailable. He rolled my eyes at me, at which point I explained that Nice Paul (his real name) and Sweet Janet have done over thirty of them before with no problem. He maintained that I couldn't send it through the mail, so rather than argue with him (when I'm seething) I took the card and left. I went out to the car, took a couple of deep breaths, and, after a lifetime of working in a bureaucracy realized that I just had to go higher up the food chain. I went back in, asked to speak to the post master (Pullman is a very small town) who, strangely enough, couldn't be found. (If I had to contend with an annoyed peri-menopausal woman, I probably would've hid, too.) They did, however, find the supervisor and she took my card away for the next ten minutes trying to find an answer.

What she did was consult Sweet Janet (who pointed out that it fit their "test slot") and then called Spokane for the "real" answer. She came back and said that Spokane had said that I could mail it at the first class rate and that I should stick it in an envelope. "Well, that sort of defeats the purpose of making a post card, doesn't it?" I asked. She maintained that it shouldn't go through machinery like that (note: no beads, sequins, anything sticking up--it's perfectly flat). I said, "Well, I need to have them hand canceled." Noooooo, no way. "The post master doesn't let us hand cancel things". Well, except the 30 or so I've sent so far, I pointed out. "Well, I *suppose* that some people do it from time to time, but we're not supposed to." I admit it, I gave up. I went home and it sort of gnawed at me.

Now, this was at the beginning of a lovely week off from work. I'd had two days off before that and my brain's alpha waves had been nice and smooth up to that point. But...once again, all of those years working for the state had taught me a lot so I went to the USPS site, got the definition for a postcard and my card met all the criteria. I called the supervisor again. She conceded that I didn't need the envelope, but that they still wouldn't hand cancel it. She suggested I call the guy in Spokane that she'd talked to. Nice guy--very reasonable. But first of all, be aware that when you go to the USPS site and look up regulations for a postcard (which is a challenge in itself--it isn't the most user-friendly site out there) that there are *other* regulations on the site, different from the ones you can find--but you have to know the section of the postal code that covers your issue in order to look it up. Indeed, according to this guy, a postcard has to be made of paper. Fine, whatever--I really didn't care about the fact that I'd have to put a 39 cent stamp on it. But, in regard to hand canceling--it's up to the local postmaster. They can, at their whim, say no. Which mine does.

My friend, Susan, pointed out that all sorts of things get sent through the mail. She cited coconuts sent from Hawaii, but I've also seen things sent in plastic pop bottles. What it comes down to is that if I participate in another postcard swap, I'm going to have to take them to Moscow or Spokane to be canceled and mailed. (Actually, Susan offered to take them to Garfield to be mailed, too, bless her heart.)

I've been interested in Buddhism for years now, and am especially fond of the writings of Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun living in the US. She always advises people to meditate while breathing in negativity and breathing out compassion. So...I'll give it a try. I'll breathe in jerky postal workers and breathe out compassion. I'll try.

Easter Egg Postcard

2007-04-01T13:54:00.000-07:00

I took a couple of hours last night and this morning to make an Easter Egg postcard for my mom.

Painting myself into a corner

2007-03-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, in order to get something done, I paint myself into a figurative corner. In this case, I decided that I'd volunteer to have a quilt up for the mother's weekend quilt show here at WSU in April in order to get this wall hanging finished. When it's done, the tucks (which have different shades of blue in a gradation on the bottom of the tucks as well) will go one way and another to make another design against the background.

This is what I did with some of the fabrics that I decorated with the Shiva paint sticks and the rubbing templates. I don't really need more coasters, but I wanted to see what they'd look like after free-motion quilting. It may be that the guys at work get coasters next Christmas even though they'll look at me and go, "Huh." (They're a bunch of nerds, but they're my bunch of nerds.)

Come to the edge

2007-03-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” Guillaume Apollinaire

Happy Birthday to Meeeeee.

2007-03-06T10:22:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday. (Ok, I share it with many different people, but I thought of having my birthday today first.) I decided to take the day off to play to celebrate. It's *beautiful* outside, so later today I'm going to go out and start cleaning out my flower beds and trimming back the roses.

Sunday I started playing with my Shiva paintsticks. It'll still be another few days before I can heat set them, but I love the results so far. (Once again, they look better in person.) I found that they look nicer on darker fabrics, but I haven't done anything yet that I haven't absolutely loved.

2007-03-05T08:30:00.000-08:00

You Are A Weeping Willow Tree

You are a dreamer, and you're into almost any kind of escapism.

Restless and capricious, you love to travel to exotic places.

You are easily influenced by others, as long as they don't pressure you.

You tend to suffer in love until you find that one loyal, steadfast partner.

An empathetic friend, you love to make others smile and laugh.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

Dreaming of spring

2007-03-04T13:05:00.000-08:00

A dear friend sent me the most beautiful picture of delphiniums and I couldn't resist the urge to arrange them into a postcard to put in my cubicle at work. It's going to be a while before we have flowers blooming (except for the crocuses along my driveway) but pictures sometimes give me hope.

What I can't figure out is why you can see the tracks of the printer in the flowers on this image but not on the card itself. I'm going to have to do more experimentation with photographing what I've made.

Finishing What I Start

2007-02-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

Look! I *can* finish something. One of the few things I do really well in life is making beaded Christmas ornaments. I've been making them for friends for several years now, but I've started making a special batch for Evan so that when he has a home of his own, he'll have a set. He already has one of the first I made, but this is the latest addition to his collection.

My son's friend, Jimmy, had his Bar Mitzvah roughly three years ago. I started this wall hanging for him six months in advance. Have I quilted it yet? No, I have not. I'm working on finishing the basting so that I can get it done before he graduates from high school. (Self-deprecation intended.) It's titled, "Jimmy's Elegant Universe" because he was really into string theory at the time. The label on the back will have a picture of the two of them together when they were little.

I'm spending the day at home today, trying to get a few errands done, and have a chance to sew. It's hard to stop worrying about what's going on at work, though--a problem that my friend, Susan, calls "pathetic". (Wait, maybe she said that *I'm* pathetic...

2007-02-22T15:47:00.001-08:00

You Are a Mac

You are creative, stylish, and super trendy.

You demand the best - even if it costs an arm and a leg.

Are You a Mac or a PC?

And more postcards

2007-02-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

Isn't it amazing how difficult it is to get this new version of Blogger to put the images where you want them? Grrrrrr.

At the moment I'm trying to finish a blouse that I started for myself, and then finish an abstract wall-hanging I have in progress. My resolution this year is to finish what I start. (That'll be the day.)

2007-02-22T12:32:00.000-08:00

So much for good intentions. I've been doing stuff, but not posting it to the blog. Here are some more of the postcards I made for the swap. The metallics don't photograph well--I think I need to adjust my flash, but I'll figure that out another time. The swap is almost over--I finished mine before Christmas but a few people aren't done yet. There's been talk on the blog about going another round together, but I think I'll pass. Most of the women in the swap tend to be much more traditional than I am. (There are several other women, though, who tended to do less conventional work.) The traditionalists seemed to not know what to make of the ones that weren't conventional quilt patterns. My friend, Sue, has been urging me to make some to sell at a local artistan's shop, but I'm not sure if it would be worth it.

It's been a busy time--Evan just finished up two weeks worth of performances of the two one-act plays he's been in. The performances went pretty well with the exception of the one night that the lighting program was corrupted (tsk tsk tsk--it was a Mac computer...) and a dead Evan had to pick up his stuff and walk off the stage with the lights up. It was fun, but it's a relief for everybody that it's over, I think.

Starting Over

2006-12-28T12:58:00.000-08:00

Always the best of intentions. I know I abandoned my last one, but it's (almost) another year, and for some reason I seem to be motivated to get more done.

In October I signed up for a fabric postcard swap on the web and figured that maybe they'd have enough people to make it a go after the New Year. Boy, was I wrong! By early November I had a list of names and two weeks after that, postcards were starting to arrive. I started out sort of slowly and had trouble coming up with new ideas. As always, though, once I went into my sewing room, I started in and had so much fun making new cards. Each one I made gave me ideas for the next one.

My next goal is to finish the hand dyed quilt I started earlier this fall. Until then, I figured I'd toss up some images of the postcards I made that I liked the best. (It was really hard to part with them.)