Friday, May 23, 2008

Turning over a new leaf in May

And the final one, the only one that was on time.

I'm sad that I won't be in the next Bead Journal Project--too much is going on in my life right now, and I really wasn't able to give it the time I wanted to. But I learned so much from it, and I'll always be glad I participated. I definitely learned a lot about self-discipline and what you can do when you push.

I am determined to turn over a new leaf as this page symbolizes. I am a caretaker. I worry more about other people and their needs than I do about myself. That has to stop. I need to show as much caring for myself as I do for other people. I've always been worried that that's selfish, but I'm realizing that it's just reasonable. I worry constantly about letting other people down, about not giving them what they need. The last few months have shown me that I need to give myself what I need, too. What I need is time, quiet, space...whether other people understand it or not.

I've been mother to my own mother, mother to people at work, mother to friends. I comfort, reassure, anticipate needs. I do the same for my own son, who's the person who should actually be getting those things. And I also need to mother myself enough to bring myself back to health--physically, emotionally, psychologically.


Robin said...

Oh, Barb! Yes, I think there are a number of us who "get it" about mothering everyone and not having time, quiet,space for ourselves. It's great that you recognize the situation and have symbolically presented your new leaf here in the month of new beginnings. I will miss you in next year's BJP, but will try to make it over to your blog now and then, especially if you remind me with a comment on my blog or the 08 BJP blog. What will you do TODAY to mother yourself? Hugz, Robin A.

KV said...

I, too, will miss your wonderful BJP pages, Barb. Perhaps beading for yourself will help garner that space and time you need. But whatever you pursue, I wish you the best of everything.

Kathy V in NM

Hélène H said...

It's a beautiful page, Barb.

I am also sad tht you won't be in the BJP2008, but I'm happy to read the story of this post. It's great that you start taking care of yourself and your needs !

abeadlady said...

Too many of us tend to care more for others than we do for ourselves. I've always tried to keep in mind that I can't do a good job taking care of them if I don't take care of myself.
Sorry you aren't going to join us in September. You will be missed.