Saturday, June 12, 2010

Goodbye 'Nore

My mom died on March 30th of this year. My relationship with her was so layered and complex that it would take a long time to cover all of it. There was a lot of good, some bad, and in recent years I spent so much time taking care of her and making the 120 mile trip down to see her every three or four weeks, that some of it was just sheer work. Most of her life she was a delight, though, and she tried not to make too much work for me.

She was funny--really, really funny. A silly sense of humor with just a touch of sarcasm to make it interesting. She was intelligent, well-read, loved flowers, sewing, visiting with her kids and grandkids. She was very creative and resourceful. Her life was not easy, but she was upbeat and hopeful most of the time.

My brothers, at first, were asking me what I'd do with all my free time now that I wasn't taking care of her. I thought, "Oh, no problem," and the first two months I was busy with inheritance stuff and forms and signatures and coping with other situations where I was needed. All of a sudden, now, two months later, I find I've actually been knocked off my pins by this. I try to talk about it but it's like I have no voice. I think I need to just journal about it for a while and not worry about other stuff. Transitions--they're never easy. But I was with her for the last week, and I was with her the day she died. I'm glad I was lucky enough to have that chance. It was hard, but at least I know she wasn't alone.

I think of her when I cook, when I look at my own child, when I talk to my brothers. She was the glue that held the family together. I was lucky to have known her. What a lady.

20 comments:

Lois2037 said...

I came here via your BJP entry. I'm so sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need to heal and process and grieve. You will be missed this year, and welcomed back next year. Right now it's time to take care of you.

Carol Creech said...

I also saw your BJP entry. I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. No matter how expected, it's still never easy. You definitely had a gift in being with her when she passed. Take your time grieving and healing. You need to replenish yourself. Take care and look forward to when you can return!

Robbie said...

That's why they call them 'memories'..you need to hang on to them, good, bad, all of them. They are what help us grow and be. Sorry for your loss....you might hit that creative edge again one day soon..and then just pick up the BJP for that month!
My best to you in the future!

a2susan said...

I'm so sorry about the death of your mother. Grieving is difficult work, and it's good that you're giving yourself the time you need.

Robin said...

Writing like this seems so important and I feel honored to have been included in your mother's story in this small way. I can see the wit and intelligence in her face. The times you mention, when you think of her, I believe there is a momentary link across the world as we experience it and the spiritual world between her and you.

Thank you for writing about your reasons for leaving the BJP. I understand completely and will welcome you back at any time and in any way that works for you.

Bless you,
Robin A.

Patty Ashworth said...

Writing will help. When my mother in law died, I got back the quilt top that the two of us had put together. Quilting on that sure helped let it out. Tears are in that one.
Believe me, it's a long process, but it does get better. Let the tears out, and you will find laughter at the end. Things will make you smile when you know they are looking over your shoulder. Talk, write, sew about it. Don't hold things in. Your creations will show your emotions. Celebrate the good things that you remember. Take care.

Loz said...

My mum died on Sept 11 and it's still very raw and hard to believe for me

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Jeanie said...

I loved seeing your picture of your mom, Nore. I was fortunate enough to know her, and she even opened her home to me more than 30 years ago the summer we sorted potatoes at Bakers Potatoes in Kennewick. We were poor college students trying to earn some money. I've never worked a harder job in my life. But you and your mom made it fun when we weren't working. I remember her humor and kindness, and how much fun it was to make homemade rootbeer. I saw her face and I was happy. I know you miss her. Love you both.

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She sure looks like a jovial, intersting and fun loving person... !! May her soul rest in peace ....

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Holly said...

You are a strong person to realize what a treasure you had the opportunity of knowing. to think of it in terms of a benefit to have that experience rather than to lament on the grieving says plenty about you.
my condolences on your loss, my congratulations on your strength.

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boomer said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. You expressed yourself so beautifully.